Glowing Grey

Let’s face it, menopause is not up there on our list of Life’s Greatest Moments, but like anything that is difficult and challenging, it can ultimately yield the best rewards.

In fact, menopause can be responsible for some of the most miserable years of our lives. A time when we doubt who we are, what we are doing and feel as though both our bodies and lives are completely out of control.

From insomnia, hot flushes, anxiety and weight gain it can feel as though our bodies are betraying us. At a point in life when we have done the hard yards and are ready to slow down a little, life seems intent on sending us another hurdle to overcome.

I remember being so envious of the women I knew who lived with few or no symptoms while I barely made it through a day without feeling like a sweaty, wrung-out, crazy, sleep-deprived mess.

But after what felt like a decade there was a light at the end of the tunnel…….and low and behold this time it wasn’t a train.

When I finally began feeling like my old self, I realised I hadn’t come through this experience unchanged. In fact, I felt like a more ‘whole’ version of myself and that is a gift worth celebrating.

I think there is one thing that menopausal women all share and that is our need to make changes to support our newfound transformation and sense of self.

Below are the five areas I feel have made the biggest impact on my life.

1. confidence

Menopause feels like a war at times and like any battle-hardened warrior, we become stronger and more resilient through our experience.

Those times when we feel as though we are commando crawling through mud builds our emotional strength whilst allowing us to celebrate our achievement when we eventually come through the other side.

As a person who has often doubted myself and my abilities, my newfound self confidence has been the biggest change in my life.

“Confidence comes with age, and looking beautiful comes from confidence someone has in themselves.” – Kate Winslet

Today I have more certainty and assuredness in my choices and abilities.

I no longer feel the need to compare myself to others but prefer instead to stay in my own lane and work towards my personal goals and satisfaction.

I also no longer try to blend into the crowd or keep my thoughts to myself. I will never be an extrovert but I have more confidence in using my voice to express my thoughts and emotions. Writing in this blog is my avenue for this.

Confidence is also the foundation to building the next four areas.

2. boundaries

We are all given 24 hours every day and how we spend those hours depends on where we choose to focus our energy.

I have never felt comfortable setting boundaries as I’m a diehard people pleaser, never wanting to feel as though I have disappointed someone.

But setting healthy boundaries is essential for our own wellbeing and having the confidence to politely decline ensures you keep your energy for the things that truly align with your own goals and interests.

I no longer feel guilty saying no and do you know what, no one seems to care nor are they disappointed. Trying to be everything to everyone is an unsustainable goal which I am happy to no longer strive to achieve.

3. SELF ACCEPTANCE

In a world where we are constantly bombarded with advertising telling us how much better we would feel if we ‘improved’ ourselves, makes being happy and content with who we are that much more difficult.

Learning to accept who we are, flaws and all, brings with it a peacefulness in which no amount of money or advertising can disturb.

We all age, we all make mistakes, we all have regrets, we all face challenges. These seem at complete odds with a world focused on the search of perfection.

“Gravity and wrinkles are fine with me. They’re a small price to pay for the new wisdom inside my head and my heart.” – Drew Barrymore

We can spend so much of our life trying to fit in to this narrative of perfection and improvement but menopause allows us to remove the mask and see that we are perfect just the way we are.

I have come to actually love the person I am and I wouldn’t trade her for anything. For the first time in my life I know who I am and what I want to achieve as I enter this phase of my life.

4. Letting go

It is difficult to get to this time in our lives without accumulating some kind of baggage. We have, after all, lived a full life which brings with it a full range of emotions, adventures and challenges.

But how much of this is just extra weight? Grudges, regrets and resentments are all stored amongst the family memories, vacations and celebrations.

Menopause is the catalyst for a major declutter.

Letting go implies giving up control which can be difficult but by relinquishing your hold you also begin to lessen the attachment to you may feel to any outcomes, expectations or desires.

I no longer have the time or energy to be living in the past or holding onto anything that doesn’t support me in a positive way. I have become more at home in the ‘here and now’ whilst looking forward to where I want to go next.

5. intention

The first three areas allow us to see the big picture, while letting go clears the slate for what we want moving forward. Intention provides our path and compass.

Living with intention means we are making conscious, deliberate choices that align with our goals, values, passions and purpose. It is about choosing where to invest our time and energy by making room for what matters most.

For me this is about focusing on what is important to me at this point in my life:

• Family & Relationships
• Health & Wellbeing
• Finances
• Experiences & Lifestyle
• Creativity
• Spirituality
• Personal Development
• Purpose

Menopause changes us in many ways but there are so many ways it can change us for the better. It brings clarity to our lives and a newfound purpose in where we are headed.

While the journey may have been fraught with obstacle after obstacle, the destination has been well worth the effort. I feel as though I’m now lounging on the beach under an umbrella sipping Mai Thai’s, as I think about what I want to do next.

Our lives, especially as parents, can mean many years of giving ourselves to everyone else but ourselves.

While I would never trade a moment of my motherhood years, menopause has given me the permission to put myself first and reassess my own goals and dreams for the future.

Until next time,

Thank you for reading.